mallowhallow | [ first magpie ; video ]

[ when the feed cuts in, it is to the view of a young boy against a bright, clear blue sky, and a rolling horizon of hilly green grassiness; loki perches upon a wall along the outer border of highcrest, like a tiny green gargoyle leering over the path below, though not too terribly intimidating. he raises a gloved hand and waves. ]

Greetings, citizens!

What has it been - oh, some week or so since we have been brought here, to this strange, most pillowy place? I come to you now, to humbly ask for ..things! But let us make with the chase cutting, yes? I.. wonder if any of you have perhaps seen my brother, Thor - big, strapping god, beautiful hair like a lady, big hammer that he's very protective of. Sound familiar? Also, a girl - long dark hair, green eyes, about yea high - [ a vague hand gesture here ] - and very, very scary. Greenish magic, sour disposition. Terrifying smile.

If any of you know anything of there whereabouts, I would be most grateful.

Until then, come, we should all get to know one another, yes? Who knows just how long we will remain here together. I'll start! Hi, my name is Loki, previously of Asgardia, your friendly, charming god of mischief. I enjoy shaken milks, lengthy books, and engaging, vigorous conversation.

Now you go!

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[ there is a pause, and loki tilts his head, rubs his chin, and squints into the camera as if he is studying something very interesting, and entirely nonsensical.

and when he speaks again it is more slowly, deliberately. ]

.. So allow me to summarize.

[ the hand drops, and loki leans forward onto his knees, his voice as cheerful as ever. ]

You approach me - anonymously, no less - with blustery threats, idle warnings, and excessive, most impressive rudeness. [ insert flowery hand gesture here. ] And then, somehow, you become angry when I do not respond positively, or to your liking.

[ THOUGHTFUL FACE. ]

That is about the long and short of it, yes?

[ the question is rhetorical really your answer is unnecessary. ]

[ TOO BAD HE'S GIVING ONE ANYWAY. ]

Positively? No. I don't expect that. I do, however, expect for you to react seriously to a threat. Of course, behaving in accordance to your own safety is clearly not what you are going for.

Allow me to tell you something then. I will do so slowly this time so your mind can properly interpret it.

Beware Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Lifeform and master of Chaos Energy. Any mischief from you to me to disrupt my efforts to escape, and you will die. That is all.

[ fuck anon i've got chaos ]

[ loki has about seventeen thousand clever retorts but

but

he can't. ]

I'm sorry, did you say.. hedgehog?

[ oh this isn't something he's going to encounter all the time, no siree. ]

Yes, I did say hedgehog. That is, unless my English spelling translates to something different in Asgardian language.

[ LMAO YEAH you'd best get used to it, bub. loki is trying very hard not to grin. ]

.. oh no, not at all.

But I cannot say that I have ever met a sentient hedgehog! Fire demons, yes, hel lords and savage talking wolves and soulless devourers but ... hedgehogs? You are a first for me, almighty one!

Of course. I am one of a kind. My species isn't very common.

It also isn't every day that a hedgehog is capable of... Let's see...

1. Destroying 67% of a country's military forces,
2. Imploding half of Earth's moon,
3. Preventing a space colony from falling on Earth's surface, and finally,
4. Being capable of destroying said planet if he wished to.

[ Just, y'know, throwing that out there. ]

Edited 2013-03-13 01:50 (UTC)

Oh I said nothing of uncommon! Hedgehogs are very common, on midgard! They are just, you know.. [ a vague hand gesture that means 'tiny' ] .. very small! And very cute! And not at all absolutely dangerous or self-absorbed!

Though of course I have never personally spoken with one before now, so perhaps they are self absorbed, in their hog hedging ways, and I am simply oblivious to it..

.. no doubt the earthworms and small rodents quiver in fear at the sight of you!

Oh, yes, if humans fall under the category of meddlesome worms and petulant rodents.

In fact... hm...

[ He takes initiative, switching to video at long last, only to give Loki a close view at bright, red eyes and pearly fangs. He licks at his lips like a ravenous carnivore on the hunt, nothing short of hungry. ]

You do look very humanoid... and very delicious.

[ Does he eat humans? Ugh, no. That's just disgusting. He'd never! Is he still trying to screw around with this kid? Well, yeah, I suppose he is! ]

[ omg

he's so

cute.

so evil and cute.

loki is accustomed to evil and ugly this is such a refreshing change; he clutches his cheeks. ]

More than likely I am tough and flavorless but oh! Look at you! How cute!

Mm, no, you would be fine with a sprinkle of cumin and th-...

[ Wait.

Shadow stares incredulously as the information socked him in the jaw like a Punch-Out!! game gone wild.

That-

That isn't right! ]

Cute? Are you seriously going to pull the cute card on me? [ He's not cute. Ever. EVER. ]

[ HE IS ABSOLUTELY CUTE ALL THE TIME especially when he's making that cute little surprised face!! resting his chin onto his hands, loki leans close into his camera, grinning broadly. ]

You are absolutely cute! Look at your little nose! And you're so spiky and fluffy!

[ precious. ]

You will absolutely not think they are cute when they're busy lodged in your eye balls!

[ Oh, no. No losing his cool. Shadow leans back and crosses his arms, giving off a frown and looking especially like he's pouting. Aww, poor cutiebaby, huh? Poor precious, big, bad Ultimate Lifeform. ]

Hmph.

Oh, but I might! It would be an absolutely adorable way to die, I must say, and surely not so terrible as others.

[ aww shadow is your life so tough? it's difficult isn't it, being an adorable fluffy ultimate badass or something.

hang on a sec, give loki a second to find his pity. ]

Except you wouldn't die. You would live in pain for the rest of your life, never to have those spines removed... but I'm sure you would find some fun out of it.

[ Knowing Loki, maybe he'd remove them himself and use them as chopsticks while he bled out, while eating house lo mein? Who even knows? ]

[ oh no, he'd never get to that point. because he'd be hiding behind thor's cape before you even got close enough.

........... but nevertheless the assumption may not be too far off. ]

Well, it sounds entirely unpleasant, but I am very good at turning around unpleasant situations and making something relatively entertaining of them, so. You could be right.

For once, we agree upon something.

Humph. At any rate, I don't have the time to waste further on you... but we may meet again. [ Who knows what kind of information he can weasel out of a god? Seriously. ]

[ a slow smirk. good luck weaseling anything out of the weasel god himself, but it'll be fun to try! ]

Of course. I look forward to it, Mister Hedgehog!

[ first magpie ; video ]

bro you are being played like a fiddle.

nah maybe more like the world's smallest violin

fair enough!!

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